Jul 15, 2010

Farewell...For Now!

Well for those of you who don't know...we are expecting another baby!! I am due around the end of December. We are so excited and can't wait to meet the newest member of our little family! Luckily, I have felt pretty good so far, I don't really get sick like other people do, but I surely don't feel my best all the time!

After much debate, I have chosen not to blog about weight during my I am sure you have noticed by now! See, I am not one of those women who enjoys what pregnancy does to my body. I get a lot of flack when I say this, but hear me out...I do not get cute when I am pregnant. My belly does not round out, I carry wide and I really just look fat. I have struggled with what I see in the mirror my whole life, and the idea of getting bigger is very very hard for me.

It has been a lot harder for me this time around because I thought since I had lost so much weight that I would maybe look cuter, but I am showing the same...two big rolls, one on top, one on bottom. It is very difficult to see that in the mirror after working so hard for so long. The week before I got pregnant I felt like I was on top of the world. I was the thinnest I had been since we got married, I fit into my "goal" clothes, I had a new found confidence, I felt amazing. When I found out I was pregnant, a switch went off in my head and all of the insecurities I had about my pregnant body from my last pregnancy came flooding back. It has been very emotional to say the least. I feel like I have lost all of that hard earned reward, and I have lost the control I had worked so hard to gain.

This week, I had a bit of a meltdown...okay, so it was more that a bit of a meltdown. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried...hard. The positive thing that came of it was that I have decided to buck up and try harder to maintain my health and my fitness and not let my demons rule me. I CAN DO THIS! I am reading this amazing book called, "Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?". It has helped me so much to recognize my issues and feel more at ease about them!

So with all of that being said, this is a farewell...for now! Be looking for me to return some time early next year. I am signing up for a 10k next summer so I will be blogging all about my journey to get there! Thank you all for your comments and support and I encourage you to keep up your good work and I still love to hear all about your victories! You inspire me!