Feb 16, 2011

What is important to me?

This picture kind of made me laugh.  Funny, yes, but in a weird way it is a perfect illustration of how I have been feeling lately.  I am trying to balance a life that is a bit too big for it's britches on top of a tiny, half deflated, unstable ball.  Life is hard.  Talk to anyone right now and it won't take you long to figure out that life is hard.  Most of the time, other people's lives are harder than mine.  It is during these tough times that we have to choose the most important things in our lives, and fight for them.  As any other woman does, I have many things on my plate right now.  My marriage, my husbands lack of work, my husband going back to college and being so very very busy, my son and his anxiety disorder and his many many rituals we go through every day, trying to keep the salon afloat and busy and successful, my responsibilities at church, my friends, money, lack of money, housework, extended family, my weight, my looks, wanting a baby, not having a baby, wanting to be good at it all, and not being able to be good at IT ALL.  Today after a loooong tear soaked talk with my mom, the second one this month by the way, I have made some decisions.  I need to chose.  As hard as it may be, I must fight for the really, really, important things.  I must fight for my marriage.  I must fight to help my son overcome the extra obstacles he faces each and every day.  I must fight to keep my faith in tact and renew my relationship with God every single day.  I must fight to be a good, loyal friend.  And for the rest of it...I just don't know.  God is in command.  I have no clue what he has in store for the rest of it.  I do know this; I can't do it all.  I shouldn't expect myself to do it all.  Eventually, that big ole elephant is going to pop that little ball, and fall flat on his trunk.  But the beauty of that, is that the elephant is going to discover something amazing...solid ground.  You don't have to fight to stay balanced on solid ground. 

Feb 13, 2011

I am in LOVE (just in time for Valentines Day!) 

My dear friend Tracy was telling me about her nieces Hawaiian themed birthday party.  As she was describing the Kahlua Pork that she was making to take to the party my mouth literally started to water.  I just had to have it. So right after work, I went directly to the store and bought the goods to make my own Kahlua Pork!  This was so amazing my husband made himself sick because he ate so much.  Here is what you need

5 lb. Pork Shoulder Roast
2 tbls. coarse sea or rock salt
2-4 tbl. liquid smoke

I did mine in a crock pot because I don't own a roaster,  but a roasting pan would work too.  Take your roast and cut deep punctures all over.  Rub the salt all over making sure it gets into the punctures.  Put the roast into your crock pot or roaster and pour the liquid smoke all over.  Rub the smoke into the meat.  

Once it is in the pan or pot, turn it on to low, or 200 degrees.  My roast was done in the crock pot on low after about 4 hours.  I then turned it down to warm and let it sit for an additional 3 hours.  

I served this with baked sweet potato fries and poppy seed salad.  I made the salad by shredding some lettuce, cutting up a cucumber into small pieces and tossing it with about 4 tbls. of Litehouse Poppy Seed dressing. Find by the produce in the refrigerated section.

This meal was amazing and I can't wait to make it again!

Feb 4, 2011

 "God made you imperfect so that you would depend on Him. He did not make a mistake in allowing you to be created as you are. You are created in His image and with His divine traits. I wish that you could feel that. Some things can't change. Some things you can. And some things are just not that important."

Someone anonymously posted this on my last entry.  I loved it so much I had to share it.  This is a topic I have struggled with my WHOLE life.  I remember KNOWING I was different by age 9.  I look back in journals that I wrote as a child and I am heartbroken.  How could such a young person have such self hatred.  I know I am a daughter of God.  I have been taught that my entire life.  But somehow it has never saved me from self sabotage. 

I had an ironic moment at a gas station the other day.  I was standing in line to pay and the young man in front of me was buying a HUGE energy drink and a pack of cigarettes.  He was no more than 20 years old and he already had a scratchy smokers voice and he smelled so bad of cigarettes.  In my head I was thinking, what causes people to abuse their bodies in such a destructive way?  At that very moment, I looked at myself and remembered, I was standing in line to pay for two diet sodas and gummy worms to take to a play date for me and my friend.  Is diet soda and sugar any better for me?  Hmmmm....lightning moment.  The whole rest of my day I was wondering about this.  Why oh why do we choose abusive behavior when we KNOW it is bad for us?  What is it in us that makes us so disrespectful of the body God gave to us? 

Then, this morning I log on to write about this topic, and some one left that about serendipity!  A direct answer to my query.  We do it because we do not fully understand our divine nature as TRUE and LITERAL sons and daughters of God. We are unwilling to turn our lives fully over to God because we lack the understanding of His power.  I don't have the answer for this.  I have sought it out my whole life.  I do know this.  In order for us to gain a firm grasp on who we are, we must first know who He is.