Oct 30, 2010

WARNING: If you are a man, or you are easily embarrassed, do NOT read this post! hahahaaa!!
Ok, I warned you! So if you are reading, this, hopefully, you won't judge me too harshly.  

I have always been...ahem...well, busty.  No matter how much I weighed, my upper body changed very little.  Even after having a baby, I still felt like the girls looked pretty good.  However, this last couple of weeks, I have noticed the ladies beginning to loose some of their flair.  Yesterday, it was all brought front and center when I went to get dressed and my bra was too big.  I knew they were getting smaller because when I started the program I was wearing a DD due to how big I had gotten everywhere else.  But now, my C's, which is the average size I have been since high school are TOO BIG.  I will be honest...I FREAKED.  
My husband got kind of annoyed at me because I was making such a big deal about it.  He said, "You know April, it is always something with you isn't it? Now you are mad because you are skinny but your boobs shrunk?"  That made me think. 
It is kind of a trade off isn't it? I can be overweight and have large full breasts, or I can be thin and loose volume and begin to feel the effects of gravity.  Which do I prefer? Hmmm, I think I will take the latter.  So as part of my journey, I have hit an unexpected bump in the road.  I never thought that there would be something to be embarrassed about on my new thinner body.  I was not prepared to feel self conscious about ANYTHING.  So, just as I had to struggle to love myself as a larger person,  now I have to learn to love what is now my new reality.  I will have to work on that one.  I did make my husband promise me that if I ever got down to 125 that he would let me get some "work" done!!  Until then, I have some work to do on myself!


My First Time Out 

As part of my commitment to stay 100% dedicated to my TSFL program, I have avoided dining out.  However, my niece got engaged this last week and we really wanted to take them out for a celebratory dinner.  I had a ton of anxiety about where to eat, and how to order without upsetting our server and what if I didn't enjoy my dinner...blah blah blah.  
We chose to go to Cheesecake Factory...I know sounds crazy huh, so much temptation.  But the reason I chose it was because of their extensive menu.  I knew that they could probably tweak just about anything for me. I was SO impressed!!  My server was so so accommodating about my meal and even made suggestions to me on how to order.  I ended up having a lovely meal of grilled ma hi ma hi, al dente asparagus, and a salad with their house balsamic which was AMAZING!  I truly enjoyed my meal.  I felt so wonderful about the experience.  Then, while the others ordered dessert, I ordered a hot mint tea.  I really had no temptations.  I felt completely satisfied!  It was wonderful!! And honestly, I am sure I could go back and enjoy many different things on their menu and still stay on plan!  
The other bonus to this was that I went out with family, celebrated with food,  but in a good way!  I didn't have to indulge to have a good time! I felt very liberated.  Can I say I didn't wish for a giant slice of their new peanut butter cup cheesecake, no I can't say that, but, I resisted and left there feeling good about myself!

Oct 27, 2010

The Beast 

I was watching an episode of "Ruby" today and she was talking about her life long struggle with weight.  I started crying when she said she referred to her struggle as "the beast she keeps going in the ring with".  The visual was so real to me I couldn't help but cry.  I have always had this image in my head of myself being beat down by some unknown force that I couldn't seem to conquer.  It was on the other hand very impowering to envision myself beating the hell out of "The Beast"  I AM WINNING!  I never want to forget how it felt to be defeated time and time again because hopefully that will keep me in fighting shape.  But, I do have to say, getting closer to the final round feels great!

Oct 26, 2010

On a whim tonight I started watching Ruby on Netflix. A) I LOVER HER! B) She is so inspiring.  I would seriously encourage anyone to watch her journey.  Just in the first episode alone I cried, laughed, and learned some things.  I loved it and I can't wait to watch her transformation! 

Oct 25, 2010

Getting Noticed 

When you are a person who has spent most of her life hiding behind loud make-up, big hair, flashy jewelry and a quick wit, it becomes a bit difficult when people start noticing you for...well...YOU.  In the last few weeks, I have seen a few friends and clients that I have not seen since I began TSFL.  In my head, I am still the "fat" girl, and so when people walk into my salon and make amazing and sweet comments about how good I am looking, it feels a bit strange to me and I am not quite sure just how to deal with it yet.  I was telling a friend that I still shop like I am overweight, I still avoid the mirror like I am overweight, and I still dread the scale like I am overweight.  I have heard of this phenomenon before with people who loose a great deal of weight.  My whole life I have thought that once I got thinner, my problems would be over and I would be so happy.  Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy but my problems are still there and life still goes on and stresses still arise.  

So how do I make the switch in my head?  How do I learn to just "be" around people without my thoughts being consumed with my weight and my body image issues? How do I learn to accept compliments without feeling a bit ill?  How do I begin to let people see the real me and not the made up faced of me?  How do I "let loose" in my married life and allow my husband to make me feel beautiful without thinking he is only saying nice things to me because he has to?  I don't know....really I don't.  I am starting with a LOT of prayer.  I also promised myself that if someone gave me a compliment, I WOULD ACCEPT IT!  I have tried really hard to let people share their excitement for me and share with them how happy I am. I am trying to enjoy the spoils as they say!  I worked hard to look like this, hopefully it will only get better.  Hopefully, in the next year, I will get more in shape and get more healthy, and make more changes and people will be noticing it! So, I must learn to "be" this new person.  This April is an April I have never known before.  I guess I should be just as happy for her as everyone else seems to be!!

Oct 22, 2010


It's funny.  When you start something new, that may be a bit out of your comfort zone, you tend to dread it.  I know for a lot of us, eating better, loosing weight, and beginning an exercise program falls right into that "dread" category.  I know for me, when I decided to do TSFL I was apprehensive.  I worried that I might feel deprived or hungry or cranky or that it wouldn't work or that I wouldn't have the will power to succeed.  Well, almost 3 months later, and now I see myself at the other end of the spectrum.  My apprehension is no longer about IF I CAN do this but now it is about whether or not I can maintain it.  I gave myself a 3 month block of time in which I would not cheat, and I would give myself to the program 100%.  I told myself that no matter how much weight I lost in that three months, I would begin phase II of the program on November 9th.  Well, I am pleased to say I have not cheated, and have given the program my 100%, but now, I am kind of worried about entering the "real" world of choices again.  Have I learned all I need to learn??  Am I ready to make better choices on my own?  I have a list of foods in my head that I plan to eat on Nov. 9th...none of them being healthy foods of course.  I still feel myself justifying indulgence by telling myself I deserve it for being so good for 3 months solid.  To be honest, it frightens me.  TSFL does all the thinking for me, I just do what I am told, and I see results.  I know that I have made great strides, and that hey, I may slip up here and there, I am just hoping I have learned new ways to live and cope with out using food as a drug.  I guess only time will tell!!

Oct 19, 2010

On the Road Again! 

I have said this before.  I always thought that people who claimed to "enjoy" running were either crazy or lying.  Well, I have joined the ranks of the crazy...and I am NOT lying!!  I have spent most of this year in painful, grueling rehab.  I have been in the depths of despair feeling like all of my efforts were lost after my knee injury.  I worried that I may never feel whole again.  I have had days where I was unable to walk up and down my stairs without searing pain.  So, to be here now, to be "on the road again" feels amazing.  I started a couch to 5k program about 4 weeks ago, and tonight was the first night in the program where I ran more than I walked.  I was nervous about tonight knowing that I would be running a majority of the time.  But, when I finished each segment of my run feeling energized and pain free, I couldn't help but feel a bit emotional.  My soft tissue therapist lives in my subdivision and I seriously almost rang his doorbell after my run tonight to give him a high five!!  

So, in celebration of my return to training, I am running a 5k with two of my sisters in law on Thanksgiving morning!  I am so excited for my very first race!  I know to some people a 5k may not seem like much...but to me, a girl who used to tell her PE teacher she had asthma just to get out of running, it is a HUGE deal!  I am running this race in my home town which seams like a full circle moment to me!  I spent 18 years in that place feeling unworthy, feeling fat, hating myself and who I was.  I avoided challenging myself for so long, worried that I would disappoint myself as I always had.  Now, 10 years after I left home, I am returning as a new and improved person ready for my biggest physical challenge so far!  And who knows, I may just fall in love with races, and shoot for a 10k next!!

Oct 16, 2010

Count your Blessings

As fun as it has been to loose 37 pounds in the last year, I have to say, my body is slowing the weight loss down quite a bit.  I have always been more of a slow and steady looser, but this last few weeks has been a bit ridiculous.  I have not cheated ONCE not ONCE and I am running again so what heck right?  Well then last night I put on a pair of pants that I bought as a goal and they FIT!  So, once again,  I am reminded that what the scale says isn't always a great way to measure success.  So in the spirit of "counting your blessings" here is a list of the successes I needed to remind myself of last night!

1. I am wearing a smaller size of jeans than I have ever worn before
2. I am able to RUN AGAIN!
3. The muffin top effect is truly lessening every day!!!
4. I have been 100% committed to my goal for 2 1/2 months
5. And oh yeah...I HAVE LOST 37 POUNDS IN A YEAR!!

I challenge you all to sit down and make a list of your successes, whether they be for health, personal, spiritual, whatever.  I think it is a good idea to remind ourselves often of what good things we are doing and stop giving ourselves such a hard time about the little things that seem to elude us.

Oct 10, 2010

Things I loved to eat today!

I know I haven't posted any new recipes in a while,and there is a good reason for that!  I have not tried ANYTHING new for like a month. My life has been so busy that I have just stuck with what I know.  Tonight I felt like making something new.  So I took chicken breasts and cooked them up in a frying pan with a healthy dose of this Newmans Own Light Honey Mustard.  I start out with the burner on high so the outside of the chicken gets nice and crispy then I turn it way down to slow cook the chicken and help retain the moisture.  This chicken was divine!  I partnered it up with a salad and a giant glass of ice water.  It hit the spot and now I have a new favorite!!

Oct 2, 2010

Make Over Time!

Welcome to the new look of Snub the Chub.  I am working on some new and fun ways to make this blog more interactive!  If you have any suggestions...or comments...please feel free to speak up! I would love to know what my readers want from this blog! I hope you enjoy!

Oct 1, 2010

So, What Size am I?? I know that part of this journey I am on is coming to accept my body the way it is, and that I have got to stop focusing so much on numbers. I am trying really hard to focus on optimal health and just do the very best I can. That being said...I am still a girl, and I still want to see the number on the scale go down, and I reeeeaaaallly want to see the number on the tag inside my jeans go down. Today, I went to try on jeans and in one brand I bought an 8 (for the first time since I was a pre-teen by the way!!) and in another brand I couldn't even zip the 10 up. Then in the Jrs department, I was able to buy an 11 in one style, and in another the 11 didn't even fit past my thighs. Soooo, do I say I am in an 8 or a 10? Does is even matter to anyone else except me what number is on the tag inside of my jeans? Probably not right?? I do have to say, I was pretty jazzed about the idea of even being in anything with an 8 on the tag, even if that particular line does "run a bit big". So, I am just going to come to terms with the fact that the fashion world only wants to make us feel crazy and I need to be happy with the fact that I bought new jeans and looked amazing in them!! I even tried on a pair of skinny jeans just for the heck of it and wasn't totally grossed out!