Moving Sucks!

I am sorry I just haven't been able to find the time to blog lately.  Really for myself I have needed the release of getting it all "out" but, I just haven't had spare time.  So far, we LOVE Spokane.  We feel so lucky to be here.  We are all starting to adjust and I think we are really going to find ourselves putting down some roots here.  I got invited to a moms night out, YAY!  It has been a while since I have really been out with friends and I am starting to think I no longer have the skills to make new friends.  But I am really excited and looking forward to a good old fashioned girls night!

As far as food goes, it has kind of been a mixed bag.  85% of the time, I am good.  I have been pretty true to my meal replacement program, with a few cheats here and there, but nothing crazy, and nowhere near the kinds of benders I usually go on.  I have not really lost any weight yet however, and even after 2 weeks of solid gym attendance, I am still seeing the number on the scale stay the same.  I have decided to finish up with the Wonderslim food, and then if I don't see an improvement, I will go back to Medifast.  I like the taste of Wonderslim much better, but I am a results girl, and I need to see some fruits for my labors ya know??  Also, Medifast always made me feel good, and I always had a lot of energy.  I am not really feeling that way with Wonderslim, but I think it has been a good way to ease back into the replacement lifestyle.

As I mentioned, I joined the Anytime Fitness by my house and have been going 3 days a week at 5am. I have read in many books that during weight loss you don't want to over do it at the gym.  The reason for this is because after you get to your goal weight, you want to be able to maintain your lifestyle.  If you start out going balls to the wall, where do you have to go from there?  Also, I am doing full body weights and circuit training, and you really don't want to work the same muscles two days in a row.  It is proven that weight lifting and circuit training can trigger your body to continue to burn for up to 48 hours after your workout!!  So, as part of my goal to make this a lifestyle and not a punishment, I feel like 3 good, hard days at the gym is plenty.  On my days off, I am trying to be more active and get some calories burned just by having a less sedentary lifestyle than I am used to.  Heck, I have three flights of stairs in my new house, by this time next year I should have the legs of a super model right?!?!  I do love the gym, and I am remembering why I loved to go, and also, why going so early made me happy.  I love coming home to a house full of sleeping family and getting a little alone time before my day starts!!

I am trying really hard to stay positive, and to spend less time punishing myself.  Some days that means taking a break from the rigid food schedule and enjoying a pizza night with my family.  I really don't want my kids to remember me as some weirdo around food who always made meals uncomfortable.  My goal is to find balance, and that is so hard for me.  I am really good at bingeing, and I am also really good at restriction...it's that middle ground that has always given me trouble!!

So, upward and onward I guess!  I feel good about where I am right now.  I feel close to balance.  Definitely still some things to work on, but I can say I am making an honest effort to get there!

Motivation

So, my amazing, rock star husband was in a competition at work.  For three months he has been working his cute little fanny off to win said competition.  When we got transferred at the very end of the competition we thought he wouldn't stand a chance of winning since he had to take a whole week of to move thus loosing a weeks worth of sales floor time.  Wellllllll...HE WON!!!  He is one of the few chosen from the entire company to take his wife on a CRUISE!  The company is paying for everything and I am so proud and excited I can hardly stand it!  He is so amazing and he is constantly making waves at work and showing everyone just how amazing he really is!

A cruise...on a boat...with other people from the company and their wives...and sun...water........swimming suits....dinner....formal wear....oh boy!  It took a day or two for it to sink in that I really didn't want my first cruise experience to be clouded by my horrible self image.  It kind of hit me like a ton of bricks.  And then I started praying that they weren't sending us right away, and that I would have some time to slim down.  Everyone I have mentioned that to has said, "oh my gosh, you are so silly".  But am I?  Is it so crazy to want to fully enjoy this amazing gift we have been given without the crazy inner voice ruining all my fun?  Is it so crazy to want to feel confident when I meet other wives and company big wigs?  I think not, and to my relief, we are not going until February some time.  I am so thrilled.  I have a new goal, and new motivation!  I am doing great so far.  I have had a couple of days that were a bit shaky but nothing crazy.  Of course I had to make a giant meal and dessert to celebrate such a huge accomplishment for my Husband!  Luckily, his favorite dessert is Pumpkin Pie and I can barely stomach the stuff, so that is what I made...no temptation there!  I did however down 3 home made rolls!  No biggy!  4 months is going to fly and I can't wait!

What's in a name?

I have felt for sometime now that I wanted to rename my blog.  When I started blogging, it was more fun, witty and goofy.  But as it has evolved, and as I have evolved, I feel like my blog deserves a more serious name.  I haven't really come up with anything that feels right just yet, I am open for suggestions, or even just words that you feel describe this blog.  But, keep your eyes open, cause a change is on the horizon!

Hellllloooooo???

I'm back!  It has been the craziest 3 weeks, let me tell you!  I won't bore you with all of the details, but let me just say, I have not felt that kind of stress in a looonnng time!  But alas, we are here in beautiful Spokane Valley Washington and we are about 60% moved into our house!  I usually get all jacked up on Diet Coke and unpack for like 48 straight hours.  I usually have all of my pictures hung, closets organized, decorations placed, and all of my furniture in place no more than a week after we are moved in.  This time...things are a bit different.  I have a baby who makes crazy messes everywhere she goes.  Bless her heart, she is a needy baby and likes to be joined at my hip if her eyes are open!  So it has been a lot harder getting things done.  Also, I told my husband that if he was going to ask me to move our family twice across 3 states in less than 7 months, the least he could do was buy me some new stuff once we got here!  So, I am patiently waiting to decorate until I am able to buy some new fun pieces.

So, with all of that going on I was not a very good girl.  I did a lot of stress eating, a lot of fast food over the two days we were traveling here.  A lot of continental breakfast food while we lived in a hotel, and a lot of pizza the first few nights we were in our house and didn't have our kitchen un-packed.  However.  The SECOND we were unpacked in the kitchen, I got back under control, and I had a perfect week last week!  I have not weighed myself however.  I always like to give myself a few weeks to get back on track and loose the pounds I inevitably gained during my bender so that I don't panic and throw my scale against a wall!

The other reason is this; I am trying really hard to change my thought process about this journey.  I am reading an amazing book that an old roommate of mine suggested to me after she read my blog.  It is called "Remembering Wholeness".  There is no way I could begin to tell you about this book on this blog.  It is really life changing and I suggest you all read it.  She is very religious and uses scripture and spirituality to support her theories.  What I am getting from this is that I must take the victim mentality I have lived in my entire adult life and throw it away.  I must change my thoughts from what I don't want, to what I do want.  I must trade in negativity for positivity.  Take those things in your life that have triggered you and throw them out!  The scale can be a great way to feel rewarded.  But I have used it as a way to punish myself.  I seriously used to weigh every single day.  And if i was up even an ounce, I would punish myself, cry, throw a fit, and then feel completely defeated the rest of the day.  But it didn't stop there.  If I hadn't lost enough, I had the same reaction.  I was only satisfied if I lost a significant amount in the last 24 hours.  It was crazy abusive and I am over it!

I am learning so much from this book and I am so excited to learn as much as I can from it and see my life change!  I am excited to be back on the ole blog.  I see that my efforts to start a contest kind of flopped.  It's ok.  I still feel strongly about the reasons I do this.  And in the last few weeks a few of my readers have reached out to me and I can't even tell you how fulfilling it is to know I was able to help someone feel less alone.  I may not know all of you, but I love you.  That may seem strange.  But when I write these posts.  I feel inspired.  Sometimes, I write things I didn't intend to write.  I hope my words reach the person they need to reach (besides me!) and that you feel my love through my words.  I feel like those of us who struggle with these issues need to band together.  We are a family!  I really feel that way.  Women can help heal each other, it's in our nature!

So, take my advice, read the book, carry on, and have a blessed day!

{A}