Feb 16, 2011

What is important to me?

This picture kind of made me laugh.  Funny, yes, but in a weird way it is a perfect illustration of how I have been feeling lately.  I am trying to balance a life that is a bit too big for it's britches on top of a tiny, half deflated, unstable ball.  Life is hard.  Talk to anyone right now and it won't take you long to figure out that life is hard.  Most of the time, other people's lives are harder than mine.  It is during these tough times that we have to choose the most important things in our lives, and fight for them.  As any other woman does, I have many things on my plate right now.  My marriage, my husbands lack of work, my husband going back to college and being so very very busy, my son and his anxiety disorder and his many many rituals we go through every day, trying to keep the salon afloat and busy and successful, my responsibilities at church, my friends, money, lack of money, housework, extended family, my weight, my looks, wanting a baby, not having a baby, wanting to be good at it all, and not being able to be good at IT ALL.  Today after a loooong tear soaked talk with my mom, the second one this month by the way, I have made some decisions.  I need to chose.  As hard as it may be, I must fight for the really, really, important things.  I must fight for my marriage.  I must fight to help my son overcome the extra obstacles he faces each and every day.  I must fight to keep my faith in tact and renew my relationship with God every single day.  I must fight to be a good, loyal friend.  And for the rest of it...I just don't know.  God is in command.  I have no clue what he has in store for the rest of it.  I do know this; I can't do it all.  I shouldn't expect myself to do it all.  Eventually, that big ole elephant is going to pop that little ball, and fall flat on his trunk.  But the beauty of that, is that the elephant is going to discover something amazing...solid ground.  You don't have to fight to stay balanced on solid ground. 

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