I have blogged a lot about that, "inner voice" that haunts me, tortures me, and for most of my life has been my constant companion. I have come to a point lately where I let it rule me. I was convinced that the voice was right, and that I was nothing. It is amazing to me that in all the years I have struggled with this, it had never occurred to me that this voice was directly related to my anxiety about food. I had always thought that the voice was a result of my bad habits. Now I realize the voice is the reason for my bad habits. I have consciously and subconsciously talked myself into being fat, depressed, and miserable. This last three days on Medifast has been amazing. Take the food away, take the temptation away, take the mistakes away, and guess what??? The voice goes away too. The first day is tough and detoxing physically and mentally is hard, but today, day 3, I feel free. I am remembering why I had such an easy time with this before. Because for the first time in my life(since I was maybe 6) I have peace in my head. The voice in my head is fed by my addiction to food...my addiction to food is driven by the voice in my head. I have tried to knock out the voice in my head while still using food as a drug, and it never works. I have tried to rebel and feel entitled to my addiction with out listening to the voice and it just ends up being louder and more cruel. So, for me to overcome this addiction, and to have the time and space and peace that I need to heal, I must take away the drug...food. Some people think its crazy. I have even been told I am an extremist, or that I will never be able to live this way. Well, a lifetime on meal replacements is not the idea. For ME, taking the food out of the equation just gives me some time to breath, loose the weight, get happy and learn what it is that has fed this demon for so long.
Today I feel energized, powerful, hopeful, thankful, and most of all, peaceful! I believe in myself, I can do this! I WILL do this! And I would love to help others get there too. I want to coach again, I am trying to get myself in a place where I can be as helpful as possible to those who choose to take this journey with me. If you are reading this...and I have no clue who is...I would love to help you in any way I can. Hopefully, my gutting it out on the world wide web can reach someone and help them feel a kinship. Because I am someone who "gets" it!