When you are a person who has spent most of her life hiding behind loud make-up, big hair, flashy jewelry and a quick wit, it becomes a bit difficult when people start noticing you for...well...YOU. In the last few weeks, I have seen a few friends and clients that I have not seen since I began TSFL. In my head, I am still the "fat" girl, and so when people walk into my salon and make amazing and sweet comments about how good I am looking, it feels a bit strange to me and I am not quite sure just how to deal with it yet. I was telling a friend that I still shop like I am overweight, I still avoid the mirror like I am overweight, and I still dread the scale like I am overweight. I have heard of this phenomenon before with people who loose a great deal of weight. My whole life I have thought that once I got thinner, my problems would be over and I would be so happy. Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy but my problems are still there and life still goes on and stresses still arise.
So how do I make the switch in my head? How do I learn to just "be" around people without my thoughts being consumed with my weight and my body image issues? How do I learn to accept compliments without feeling a bit ill? How do I begin to let people see the real me and not the made up faced of me? How do I "let loose" in my married life and allow my husband to make me feel beautiful without thinking he is only saying nice things to me because he has to? I don't know....really I don't. I am starting with a LOT of prayer. I also promised myself that if someone gave me a compliment, I WOULD ACCEPT IT! I have tried really hard to let people share their excitement for me and share with them how happy I am. I am trying to enjoy the spoils as they say! I worked hard to look like this, hopefully it will only get better. Hopefully, in the next year, I will get more in shape and get more healthy, and make more changes and people will be noticing it! So, I must learn to "be" this new person. This April is an April I have never known before. I guess I should be just as happy for her as everyone else seems to be!!