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Nov 15, 2010

Purging

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_UpFyU6yLerQ/SaaXoBLWbdI/AAAAAAAAA90/9NVyf3k_7PY/s400/fat+clothes.jpg 

Many women are guilty of this...we keep an array of clothing in our closet ranging from our smallest size up to our "fat clothes".  We have ALL done this.  We keep our "skinny clothes" as a "goal", and we keep our "fat clothes" just in case. Why?  The other night, I was watching "Ruby" and she was having such a hard time getting rid of her dresses she wore when she weighed 715 pounds.  I have never owned clothing that big, but I have been holding on to a closet FULL of clothing I can't wear anymore.  I guess part of me still doesn't believe that I can maintain this weight.  Maybe another part of me worries that if I don't, I will have nothing to wear.  But, the other morning, I was laying in bed wide awake in the wee early hours, and I jumped out of bed and began purging.  I ended up with two garbage bags full to donate, 2 plastic totes full to consign, and some stuff I just threw out.  On one hand it felt good to see all of it gone.  On the other hand I felt sad giving up some of my favorite clothes and it felt weird looking at my empty closet afterward.  It also felt very symbolic.  A lot of the clothes I had were purchased during dark times in my life when I felt so out of control. Looking at my clothes I had some very vivid memories of the doom I felt while trying on the clothes and looking in the dressing room mirror.  Some of the clothes I own were purchased to hide my body.  I also had a few outfits that I had purchased as my "goal" outfits and before I could ever wear them they were too big.  It was a bitter sweet experience, one I needed to do.  The weirdest thing to think about is that soon, I may be purging the clothing I am wearing right now!  That will be an exciting day!
So with all of this purging, it made me think.  What else in my life can I get rid of that is weighing me down? Again, I was watching "Ruby" and her therapist encouraged her to change 5 things in her life. Exchange 5 bad or negative things for 5 positive or healthy alternatives.  So, in the spirit of purging, here is what I came up with for my own life.

1. Get rid of Diet Soda/drink more water
2. Cut back on TV/ read more/move more
3. Stop staying up so late/get more sleep
4. Less time on computer/ Pray more, Study gospel more
5. get rid of selfish time wasting behaviors/spend more time with my son

So, the purge has begun.  I am taking baby steps towards shedding the "old" me. The me who was weighed down in so many ways.  This journey is far from over. I have so much to learn and so much room to grow. I am so thankful for the light that TSFL has helped shine into my dark places.For the first time ever, I feel like I am getting my head straight!

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