To Be Whole

This seems like a reachable goal...right??? This is, you know the foundation of most life changing programs; to become whole in mind body and spirit. I know people attain this "wholeness" in their lives, I am sure it exists, but in my life there has always been one missing link keeping me from the trifecta of balance. If I am in shape, I am obsessing over myself therefore inhibating me from becoming truly spiritual. If I am overweight, I get depressed, so my mind becomes a hot mess. And right now in my life I feel like all three are kind of a mess. I have tried very hard to overcome the loss of our baby and to move on and to get my body in shape thinking it would make the other parts of my life fall into place. Then, just as I get on a roll with my weight loss, my body failed me and my knee gave out again, then I feel depressed because my efforts seem defeated. Yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown following the third migraine I have had this week. I felt so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am making HUGE sacrifices to change my health and my body and truly living the healthiest life I have lived in a long time, so why should the rest of it be so hard?

So this morning as I was driving home from an early morning appointment at the salon...I thought to myself, "April, it may take you your entire life to have it all". This journey is why we are here, to achieve balance. To learn how to be the masters of our lives. If I had it all figured out by 27, what would I have to learn the rest of my life?? Sometimes it seems overwhelming, but I am sure that I will constantly be working on the balance of life. This is all part of our imperfect mortal minds and bodies. Our health can't always be perfect, even if we are making perfect efforts. Our minds can't always be sound because life gives us trials meant to challenge our resolve. Our spirituality can't always be in tip top shape because we are mortal and that is part of the test.

So, here I sit, feeling less defeated and more hopeful. Today is a new day, and even if it ends up being just as crappy as yesterday, there is always tomorrow!